Lighten-Up Corner
Jokes and Funny Stories
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"
-
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Which side of the chicken has the
most feathers?
The outside
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
- What do you get when you cross a
parrot and a centipede?
A walkie-talkie
If they dropped them, they'd break
1. It's not a laugh to
practice barking at 3a.m.
If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels
2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.
3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.
4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.
5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid
6. No, we said SIT
7. I know its a nice leg, but don't ride it.
8. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk
9. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.
10. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give
in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this
once.
11. No, it's my food....Oh alright then, just a small piece.
